


to see things clearly

by myemergence



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Failure to Communicate, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, episode s02e4, for sy's needy ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-29 02:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30149094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myemergence/pseuds/myemergence
Summary: After breaking up with Carlos, TK sets off for a long weekend in LA to visit Buck, trying to separate himself from life in Austin for a few days. While he's there he has a bit of a misunderstanding with Buck, and can't quite understand why Eddie's so damn hostile toward him when they interact.It becomes apparent that there are unspoken feelings between Buck and Eddie, and TK sets off on a mission to change that before he returns home.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Evan "Buck" Buckley & TK Strand, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 465





	to see things clearly

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during Lonestar episode 2x4 with some changes to the plot for _reasons_. 
> 
> Thanks to my girl [marciaelena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marciaelena) for the beta, I appreciate you always!

TK’s been hurt in the past, so this feeling isn’t foreign to him; it’s actually uncomfortably familiar. However, he’d never imagined that Carlos would be the one doing the hurting. It feels like his heart’s been ripped out, and the humiliation of the day seeps in. It overwhelms him in a way that makes TK believe it's some physical thing that he can reach out and grab with the hopes of shattering it to pieces, instead of just this heavy weight swirling in his gut.

_Mom, Dad, this is my friend TK. We work together._

He wasn’t even going to come over, not wanting to see Carlos after he’d acted like TK was just some co-worker rather than his boyfriend of ten months. TK had thought Carlos hung the moon and couldn’t be more perfect. Unfortunately, the falsity of that illusion had come crashing down on him, right in the middle of the Farmers’ Market.

The feelings of shame and humiliation begin to mix with building hurt and resentment. The next thing he knows he’s knocking on Carlos’ front door, and he doesn’t even recall the drive to get here. It’s barely half of a knock before Carlos is pulling the door open.

Carlos opens his mouth to speak, and TK brushes past him silently, his jaw set with anger. He can’t even _look_ at his boyfriend right now.

“Why are you so mad?”

“Mad? Oh, I’m not _mad_ ,” TK mutters as he grabs his duffle bag that he’d left there the night before. Not knowing what else to do with his hands or his feelings, he unzips the bag and turns back to Carlos.

“Then what is it? If it’s because my mom called you TJ, she gets people’s names wrong _all_ the time.”

“It wasn’t that your mom called me TJ,” TK snaps. “It’s that you made it obvious that not only did you not want your parents to meet me today, they don’t even know that I exist. That _we_ exist.”

“TK, that’s not true—”

“Isn’t it? _Friend from work_?” TK’s voice gets louder as he talks over Carlos, demanding his attention. “If I’m just a friend from work then what we did this morning was very unprofessional.”

“Yeah, HR would have a field day with that,” Carlos agrees, but his voice sounds light, not even defensive or upset.

That’s what bothers TK most of all; none of this matters to Carlos. “This is a joke to you,” TK says, all the while the endless reel of ‘ _I’m a joke to you’, ‘this was never real’_ playing on repeat _._ “I can’t do this anymore.”

“This isn’t a joke to me, TK.”

TK steps away, going to the bedroom and blindly grabbing the clothes that have accumulated in Carlos’ closet and drawers over the past months, shoving them into the bag. “Are you even out to them?”

Maybe he’s been reading all of this wrong, and none of it was even about TK at all. He holds onto the only hope that he has left: that Carlos just hasn’t told his parents that he’s gay yet, and that that’s the only reason why they don’t know about him.

“Yes, I’m out to them, but—”

“That’s worse… and you know what? I don’t wanna hear it. I _can’t_ hear it right now.” TK bites down on his lower lip, feeling tears building against his waterline, threatening to spill over, but refusing to let Carlos see him this heartbroken.

“TK,” Carlos tries, reaching out to touch his arm, and he yanks it back harshly, as if he’s been burned.

“Don’t,” he chokes out, zipping up the bag before he slings it over his shoulder, making his way out of the bedroom, and stopping in front of the door. “I refuse to be the guy that’s just sitting around, waiting for someone to love me enough.”

“Please,” Carlos begs, “just let me explain it to you.”

“There’s nothing to explain, and there’s no point, Carlos.” TK looks away from Carlos’ face then. He grabs for the doorknob, eyes locked ahead as he doesn’t think he can stand firm in his resolve if he can see Carlos’ expression when he says the next words. “We’re done.”

“Wait, TK. Tyler!”

But it’s too late.

TK closes the door behind himself and walks quickly to his car. Once the car door is closed behind him too he succumbs to the feeling that’s been trying to swallow him whole.

He finally cries.

* * *

When TK drags himself out of his room the next morning, both of his parents are sitting at the kitchen island. He shuffles his way past them, pulling open the refrigerator as he mumbles a half-hearted, “Morning.”

“I thought you were spending the night with Carlos,” his dad comments, looking at him over the top of his cup of coffee.

“We, um, we had a fight,” TK explains as he twists his water bottle open and takes a few sips, trying to tame the aching in this throat from an unbearably rough night.

“Is everything alright?” His mom asks, and TK just wants to go back to his room and continue brooding without anyone prying. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate his parents caring, he’s just really not in the mood to dissect his entire relationship with Carlos over morning coffee.

“We broke up.” TK keeps his words tight and controlled, refusing to let his voice convey how he’s really feeling about all of this—utterly broken.

“You _what_?”

“What happened?” His mom’s voice is softer and less shocked than his dad’s.

“You heard me,” TK says, crossing his arms over his chest tightly.

“Honey,” she says, setting her hand on his arm, and he sighs at the comfort that she’s trying to lend him.

“I’m not ready to talk about it right now,” TK says firmly. “I just need some time to wrap my head around it.”

“Everyone’s seen the two of you together, TK, are you—”

“I said I’m not ready.” With a small shake of his head, TK grabs a yogurt from the fridge, fumbling with the silverware drawer before he makes his way back to his room.

* * *

The problem is, all of the people that surround TK in Austin know him _and_ know Carlos. They know them together, as a couple. Which means that at every corner someone is trying to get him to talk about what transpired between them. There have been more assurances that whatever he says will stay between them than he can count, if only TK will confide in them about what happened.

And, every single time, a reminder about how much Carlos loves him and that it has to be a misunderstanding.

That’s how TK finds himself LA bound only twenty-four hours later. Aside from the acquaintances that he left behind in New York City, there’s only one person he can think of that doesn’t know Carlos but knows him. There’s only one person that won’t immediately rush to Carlos’ defense.

That’s what he needs right now; someone to just be there for him, allow him to be upset without having to consider all of the what-ifs and reasons why. Maybe someone that might allow him to just forget about what happened for a little bit.

It’s late by the time TK’s flight arrives in LA, and it’s bad enough that he’s imposing to begin with, so he doesn’t tell Buck what time his flight will be in. Once he’s in the Uber, he texts Buck to let him know that he’s on his way.

TK feels exhausted, he’s barely been able to sleep for the past couple of days, and trying to avoid Carlos, as well as others talking about him, has been damn near impossible. His mind continues to race with unwelcome thoughts, reminders of how much less he mattered to Carlos than he’d ever imagined.

TK blinks his eyes rapidly, both an attempt to push his tiredness away, and the burning sensation that he knows all too well _isn’t_ from a couple nights of terrible sleep. He thanks the Uber driver and climbs out of the car, his luggage in tow. He’d packed light since he didn’t plan on being gone for long, but he’s thankful for the respite that he’ll find here.

Making his way up to Buck’s loft, he knocks on the door before glancing at his watch, cringing at how late it is. Buck’s been waiting for him, and that’s obvious as he swings the door open within only a few seconds.

“TK,” Buck greets with a warm smile, despite the tiredness that’s obvious on his face. “Come in.”

* * *

The first thing that Buck thinks when he pulls the door open is how utterly spent TK looks. His eyes are tinged with red, and he looks tired and worn down. However, it’s the darkness that’s bloomed under his eyes and the sadness showing in them that indicate to Buck that something is wrong, if TK’s request to stay with him for a few days hadn’t already tipped him off.

“Set your stuff anywhere,” Buck says with a small wave. “I know it’s kind of late for dinner, but I’m a big fan of late night breakfast food, if you’re hungry?”

TK sets the bag down near the door, toeing off his shoes before following Buck into the kitchen. “I’m not really that hungry,” he admits, dropping into a chair at the table. “And, uh, thanks for letting me crash here for a few days.”

“Nobody willing to tolerate you for a few days in Austin?” Buck teases, and although he’d normally grin along with the teasing, he can’t allow himself to do it for how much TK seems to sag under the weight of whatever chased him out of Austin.

TK lets out a rough laugh, shaking his head. “I’m sure they would’ve offered. I just needed to put some space between myself and Texas.”

Buck frowns, but moves around the kitchen to fill the tea kettle before setting it on the stovetop. “Well, if you’re not going to eat anything, at least have some tea.”

It’s on the tip of his tongue; the desire to ask TK why he’s here in the first place. Buck shoves it down as he turns on the stove, hoping that TK will bring it up on his own.

“I’m not—” TK begins, cutting himself short when Buck turns to him with a disapproving expression. “I’d _love_ some tea,” he amends.

It doesn’t take long for the kettle to start whistling, and Buck pours two mugs. He suggests that they move to the couch, where TK can at least relax a little before winding down to sleep.

They sit in silence until TK lets out a heavy sigh, and Buck sets his mug down.

“I broke up with Carlos.” TK’s voice wobbles, his expression utterly crestfallen.

There are too many questions that immediately lodge themselves in Buck’s throat. Between texting and phone calls, he and TK have talked a lot since he left Austin after the wildfires.TK’s favorite topic is Carlos, so the news that they’re not together anymore isn’t only surprising, but concerning, too. After taking a breath and giving TK a few moments to gather his thoughts, Buck finally settles on a simple, “What happened?”

With only a moment of hesitation, TK tells Buck how he and Carlos had been at the Farmers’ Market and ran into Carlos’ parents unexpectedly. Not only had Carlos’ parents not known about TK, but Carlos had lied about who he was, calling TK his ‘friend from work’. Buck cringes at the words, knowing how much they must’ve stung, especially after being in a committed relationship with Carlos for several months.

“Is he not out to them yet?”

TK hasn’t cried yet, but the laugh that bursts past his lips now sounds more like a sob. “No, he told me he was out to them. He has been for a long time. He was just too ashamed to tell them that we were together. _I_ was the problem, not him being gay.”

“He said that to you?” Buck feels anger bubbling in his chest, wondering how anyone could hurt TK that way, least of all the guy that TK believed had loved him.

“Not in so many words,” TK mutters, his voice dropping low as he swipes at a rogue tear. “I’ve been down that road before— _not being enough_ —and I refuse to do that again. So this is for the best, even if it hurts like hell right now. Everyone back in Austin, they all feel bad, but…”

“They know Carlos.” TK nods. Buck sets a hand on TK’s forearm, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m really sorry you’re going through this, man. It sucks.”

There’s a part of Buck that wants to poke around and ask some more questions, but it’s obvious from the look on TK’s face that that’s the last thing he needs right now. And there’s always tomorrow, so he lets it go for now.

If he hadn’t been sucked into his own thoughts, he probably wouldn’t have been caught so off guard by the feel of TK’s lips against his own. As soon as his brain catches up with what’s happening, Buck presses a hand against TK’s chest, instantly drawing back from the kiss.

“TK,” Buck says, his forehead pinched together. “I—think you misread things, and I really don’t think that right now you need to be—”

“I’m so sorry, Buck. I thought you were gay. Back in Austin you didn’t correct me,” TK says, referencing their conversation by the fire rig just before Buck headed back to LA. At the time, TK made it clear that he had a boyfriend. Despite his impression that Buck had been flirting with him, he’d let Buck know that he wasn’t available.

TK’s cheeks flame as the embarrassment of the rejection washes over him. Or maybe it’s the thought that he just kissed someone that he thinks is straight.

“Well, I’m pan, actually,” Buck answers quickly, hoping to relieve some of TK’s stress over the situation. “But, um…”

“But you’re spoken for?” TK’s brow lifts a little, the flush on his cheeks beginning to lessen.

Buck hesitates, because he isn’t spoken for, not really, but he wants to give TK some sort of explanation for his reaction. “I mean, kind of? My heart is,” he answers after a few moments of awkward silence, and it’s as if all of the heat from TK’s cheeks rush to Buck’s face instead.

TK blinks a few times, squinting at Buck. “It’s Eddie, isn’t it? Paul was right,” he says suddenly with a shake of his head. “Of course he was right, he was doing his _thing_.”

“This is something you guys talked about?” Buck gapes, sitting wordless for a minute. “Actually, I don’t think I wanna know. But it’s 2 am, and I think we both need a little sleep before morning rolls around.”

TK hums, grinning despite his obvious exhaustion. “To be continued.”

* * *

Despite not crawling into bed until nearly 2:30 am, Buck is up by 9, brewing coffee and preparing breakfast. It’s not very often that he has someone to cook breakfast for, and Buck is utterly famished this morning. His shift doesn’t start until noon, which means that he has some time with TK before he needs to get ready.

“Morning,” TK grumbles as he shuffles into the kitchen, causing Buck to laugh.

“Morning, sunshine,” Buck teases, filling a coffee mug and handing it off to TK. “Since you decided to snub my cooking last night, you have no choice in the matter this time.”

“That’s fine, I’m starving.”

Buck decides that before anything else, they really need to tackle what happened between them last night. Once their food is plated, Buck sits down across from TK. “I was hoping we could talk about what happened last night.”

“What part about last night?” TK asks, although Buck’s sure he knows.

“The kiss.” Buck pauses to grab a forkful of eggs, then sets his silverware down.

“It didn’t mean anything. It was stupid, and I was exhausted,” TK says, biting at the inside of his cheek. “I just wanted to feel something other than this overwhelming sadness. I’m sorry for crossing a line.”

“I just wanted to be sure there wouldn’t be any hurt feelings or awkwardness,” Buck explains, and TK smiles.

“I promise, no hurt feelings. I was just in a weird place.”

“Good.” Buck brings the cup of coffee to his lips and takes a couple of sips, glad that they can just move on instead of having to dwell on it.

“Well, now that we’ve got that out of the way, we can talk about the more pressing matter at hand.” It looks like TK’s trying to bite back a grin, and Buck raises his eyebrow in question. “You and Eddie, obviously.”

“I never actually said I was talking about Eddie.”

“Are you saying it’s someone else?” TK asks.

Buck sighs. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. It’s just complicated, is all. I’m sure there are plenty of other things that we could talk about.”

“Luckily, I have nowhere else to be. I shared my complicated love life with you last night. Now it’s your turn.”

TK isn’t wrong. He did open up to Buck just last night, so it seems a little unfair for Buck to be willing to share his baggage, too. Buck goes on to tell him how his friendship with Eddie has evolved over the last few years. How, on more than one occasion, he’d been afraid of losing Eddie completely.

“Okay, but I feel like you’re leaving out the complicated part?” TK says slowly. “You guys have a history of being there for each other, you’re practically over at his place as much as you’re here, and you rarely have a story or anecdote that doesn’t include him.”

“He has a kid _and_ we work together.” Buck says it as though that should explain everything, because in his mind it does.

“The work thing I get, but the kid? You’ve talked about Christopher way more than anyone talks about their friends’ kids. And you _love_ him, Buck,” TK reminds him, to which Buck groans. “Is he seeing someone?”

“No, he’s not seeing anyone.”

It’s obviously just the answer that TK was after, his eyes brightening with excitement. “Well, it seems like I have a project while I'm in town.”

“I’m pretty sure you should be focusing your energy on your own love life and not mine.” Despite his words, Buck rolls his eyes good-naturedly.

“No, I need a distraction and _this is it_.”

Buck knows disagreeing with TK isn't going to get him anywhere, so instead he gets up from the table, grabbing his dirty dishes and setting them down in the sink. “On that note, I've gotta get ready for my shift.”

TK stands up, taking his dishes to the sink as well. “I think I'll tag along.”

* * *

Buck’s not quite sure what he thinks about TK tagging along. Sure, he wants to spend time with his friend while he’s in town to try to distract him from his current heartbreak, but TK’s made it rather clear that he plans on somehow inserting himself into Buck’s love life—or lack thereof—and the thought leaves Buck wanting to run in the opposite direction.

“So, uh—” Buck stops mid-sentence _again_ as TK’s phone chimes for the fourth time, a loud sigh sounding from the passenger seat of his Jeep. “Are you going to answer that?”

“No,” TK says, swiping his finger across the screen. “I’m not even looking at them right now, Buck.”

“Not to play devil’s advocate—”

“Oh, come _on_ , not you too.”

“I’m not taking his side,” Buck promises, his hands flattening against the wheel as if in surrender. “I know that he hurt you really bad. It’s just that maybe it deserves a conversation between the two of you, if for nothing else than for closure.”

As Buck turns onto the street where the firehouse is located, TK nods his head. “It does deserve a conversation… just not right now.”

“If you want to talk about how you’re feeling with everything, I’m here, alright?”

Buck parks the Jeep and grabs his bag out of the back, and they make their way into the firehouse.

Chim and Bobby look up from the conversation that they’re having near the rigs, Chim already dressed and ready for the shift. “This your replacement?” Chim quips.

“This is TK Strand, from the 126 in Austin,” Buck introduces while rolling his eyes. “We met when we were assigned to a team together during the wildfires. TK, this is Bobby, my captain, and this is Chimney.”

“So what brings you all the way to LA?” Bobby asks.

“This guy right here.” TK claps Buck on the shoulder, and Buck just shakes his head. “I needed a little time away and figured, he got the Texas experience, so it’s only fair if I come up to California for a few days.”

“I don’t think it’s really fair to compare me busting my ass in Texas to you relaxing here in California.”

TK ignores him, turning to Bobby. “I hope it won’t be too much of an intrusion if I hang out here for the day. Happy to help with anything you need.”

“It’s not an intrusion at all,” Bobby promises. “Make yourself at home.”

While Buck goes to the locker room to finish getting ready for their shift, Hen intercepts TK in the truck bay. “Hey man,” Buck greets Eddie, who’s at his own locker getting ready.

“Hey,” Eddie says after a minute, glancing through the glass walls of the firehouse’s locker room. Buck buttons up his uniform shirt while Eddie nods in the direction of Hen and TK standing in the truck bay talking. “I didn’t realize you two were so close that he came all the way to LA to see you.”

“I mean, we’re close enough,” Buck says with a shrug. “He broke up with his boyfriend, so he could use a friend right now, y’know?”

“Oh, so he’s single now?”

Buck’s brow jumps at the question—there’s a sharpness in Eddie’s tone that Buck must have imagined; he puts the last of his things in his locker before they walk out to rejoin the team.

“Not for long,” Buck says, feeling pretty sure. He can’t see how TK and Carlos can stay broken up over what’s probably a simple misunderstanding, considering how persistent Carlos is and how deeply TK cares for him.

* * *

TK getting to know the rest of Buck’s team is interesting. It’s nice to meet the guy that Buck essentially told him was like a father to him, and he got to meet Chim too, who’s basically married to Buck’s sister. TK’s sure that with the amount of time they end up spending back at the firehouse throughout the day he’ll get the chance to talk to Eddie.

Marjan had gone on and on about what a chill guy he is, yet every time that TK thinks they’ll have a chance to talk, Eddie finds an excuse and slips away. But that’s not even the worst of it; there have been multiple times TK swears that Eddie has been _glaring_ at him.

It’s not until they sit down for dinner that TK becomes sure of it. He’s sitting across from Eddie, who’s mostly silent through the entire meal, and when TK asks if he can pass the butter, Eddie practically shoves the dish into his hand.

Buck doesn’t seem to notice, too caught up talking to the rest of the team and telling them how crazy the wildfires were again and spewing off a bunch of bizarre facts about wildfires that nobody needs to know.

Bobby asks Eddie to wash the dishes, and TK quickly volunteers to dry them. He notices the immediate tension on Eddie’s face once he’s beside him. Eddie washes a plate before holding it out for TK to take, not saying anything at all.

TK frowns as he dries the plate. “Hey, did I… do something to offend or upset you when you were in Texas?”

“Nope.”

“Okay,” TK tries again. “Do you want to tell me what this hostility is all about?”

Eddie huffs out a breath, turning his head to look at TK, handing him another plate that TK dries and sets on top of the pile. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, man.”

“Marj said you’re a really cool and laid-back guy, and that was the impression that I got too. But that guy—” TK says, motioning toward Eddie “—and _this_ guy are not the same person.”

Eddie sighs, nodding his head a little. “You know what? You’re right. I’m being a dick, and you haven’t done anything to deserve that. You must be having a hard time after the breakup.”

“Oh,” TK says, surprised. “Buck told you about that?”

After what seems to be a moment of hesitation, Eddie nods. He abandons the plates in the sink, turning his full attention to TK. “Just, um, be good to him, okay?” Eddie says carefully, and just as quickly as the words leave Eddie’s mouth, the pieces of the puzzle slide into place.

“What does that even mean?”

“It means, whatever this thing between you guys is, he’s been hurt a lot in the past… and he deserves to be more than just someone’s rebound. That’s all,” Eddie says. TK watches him, dumbstruck for a moment before turning to Hen as she brings over the last of the plates from the table.

“Are they always this clueless?” TK asks, obviously dumbfounded.

“Oh, only all of the time, but you get used to it after a while,” Hen tells him with a grin as she abandons them at the sink again, going to play video games with Buck.

“Buck and I are _friends_.” TK stresses the last word, careful to enunciate it as clearly as possible.

“Maybe,” Eddie concedes. “But he wants more than that.”

“You’re right. He does. _With you_ , but you’re both too blind to see it.” TK laughs, shaking his head and walking over to watch the current Mario Kart battle going on between Hen and Buck.

* * *

TK is at least glad that he was able to talk to Eddie about things, and he hopes that his words will really sink in. He’s talked to Buck about Eddie more than once, and he’d at least like to see his friend on the path to some real happiness by the time he gets on his flight back to Austin.

It’s probably way later than either one of them should be up after Buck’s 24 hour shift, but Buck and TK are in the midst of an intense game of Monopoly.

“Can you remind me why we’re playing Monopoly instead of poker?” TK asks, glancing down at the few properties that he still has nearly three hours into the game.

“I told you already,” Buck says with an exasperated sigh. “Because somehow poker is rigged every time that I play. Monopoly’s the only game I’m good at.”

“That seems incredibly biased. I’m your guest, shouldn’t I be the one getting the advantage here?”

“ _TK_ ,” Buck says dryly.

“Besides, did you ever stop to think that the issue with poker isn’t the game, but you? Maybe the only reason that you win when you play Monopoly is because you’re the banker.”

“Take your turn,” Buck directs, motioning towards the dice impatiently. “And stop slandering my name.”

“It’s only slander if it’s untrue,” TK sing-songs, rolling the dice.

“Ha!” Buck claps his hands once for effect. “Go. To. Jail.”

“This is the dumbest game,” TK mutters grumpily, moving his game piece to jail. It’s not much longer before the game is over, which TK is thankful for, since Buck has thoroughly kicked his ass.

Buck finishes packing away the game in its box. “Well, that was fun.”

“Said no one ever.”

“I swear, you’re worse than Eddie.” A grin breaks out on TK’s face at Buck’s words. Before he can say anything Buck shakes his head and holds his hand up. “Don’t.”

“We should go to bed. It’s late,” TK says responsibly—which is admittedly a stretch for him.

“I’m not even tired.”

“Maybe it’s the fact that you’ve had three cups of coffee since we’ve been back,” TK points out. “Listen, if you’re not going to bed we should at least start to wind down.”

They both get changed before sitting down on the couch, and Buck hands the remote over for TK to find something to watch.

“If you wanna go to sleep I can go watch TV upstairs,” Buck offers, to which TK shakes his head. It was nice to have a little bit of a distraction from everything today, for him to get to live in Buck’s world a little bit. It was perfectly clear that Buck’s feelings weren’t one-sided, which TK isn’t sure if he should even address.

Buck deserves to be happy, but it’s also not TK’s place to get too involved.

“I’m good with you down here,” TK assures him, mindlessly scrolling through Netflix. “Thanks for letting me tag along to the station today. It was nice to have a break from everything going on in my head.”

“And now?”

“Now,” he says with a sigh, “there’s nothing to distract me from my thoughts and my feelings.” The admission hurts with its raw honesty, everything that he’s been trying to keep buried hitting him all at once.

“Maybe it’s time to talk about things, instead of trying to ignore it all.”

TK cringes at Buck’s words, even though they’re not unkind. He knows that at some point he has to stop hiding from it. He’d just hoped that he’d be able to hide for a little bit longer before trying to figure out how he’s feeling about everything.

“I just don’t know if I really want to pick everything apart.”

Buck’s silent for a minute, nodding his head, then. “I get that. I just don’t think you’re doing yourself any favors by ignoring how you’re feeling.”

“I’ve been thinking that maybe I wasn’t totally fair to Carlos, not letting him explain himself to me. By shutting him out so quickly.” TK swallows past the tightness in his throat and the words that he’s been keeping boxed away. “It just… felt like I wasn’t good enough to meet his parents. That he was ashamed of who I am, Buck. And that really fucking sucks, because I trusted him with everything.”

“Feeling that way _sucks_ , trust me, I understand that. I’ve been there before, but.” Buck pauses, looking at TK cautiously. “Did he ever say that’s why?”

“No.” TK scrubs a hand down over his face. “Before I moved to Austin, I was dating this guy named Alex, and I was sure that he was the one. I made all of these plans, bought him a ring, and had all of these big dreams for our future. I took him to this amazing restaurant in Manhattan and… he broke up with me—for someone else. Because I wasn’t enough for him.”

Buck turns and looks at TK. “But Carlos isn’t Alex.”

“No, he’s not.” TK sighs miserably, holding his head in his hands as his body hunches forward.

“I just feel like until you talk to him and actually have a conversation about what happened, the what-ifs and scenarios you’ve made up are way worse than the reality. Regardless of what the end result is.”

And TK knows that’s the truth, even if admitting it to Buck is painful. So instead, TK smirks at him. “You know, you give some sage advice, Buckley. I think I have a friend that could take that same advice about his—”

“Shut up and go to sleep, Strand.” Buck shakes his head as he gets up from the couch, throwing a pillow at TK as he leaves.

After Buck goes to bed, TK’s left alone with his thoughts. He tries to get comfortable on the couch, but despite the fact that Buck was the one that started drinking coffee after the shift, TK’s eyes are wide open, his mind refusing to ease up at all. With a sigh, he unlocks his phone, bringing up his texts with Carlos.

His eyes sweep over the twenty text messages he hasn’t even looked at until now, let alone answered.

TK lingers on the last one that he received from Carlos: _I love you._ Tears blur his vision, and he lets his phone rest against his chest, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes.

“Fuck,” he mutters.

Finally, he begins to type.

_When I get back to Austin I’m willing to talk. I’ll be back in a few days._

* * *

Buck is squinting at TK from where he’s sitting at the table. TK sets a bowl of cereal in front of him, then returns a minute later with a glass of orange juice for each of them. “Breakfast is served,” he declares proudly, slipping into the chair across from Buck.

“You said you were _making_ breakfast this morning.”

“I did.” TK shrugs, scooping up a spoonful of cereal and taking a heaping bite.

“I cooked you eggs, bacon, and sausage yesterday. _You opened a box of cereal._ ”

TK rolls his eyes at Buck’s obvious dramatics until he finally settles down, taking the first bite of his cereal.

“I couldn’t sleep after you went to bed last night. So I, uh, texted Carlos and told him that when I get back home in a few days we should talk.”

Buck’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “You did? That’s really good, man.” It’s obvious to see that TK is at least in a better head space than he was when he first got into town, and the fact that he’s willing to talk to Carlos, regardless of the end result, is a step in the right direction.

TK smiles a little. “It is. It also means that you better get your shit together, Buckley. I’m talking to Carlos in a couple of days, so that means you’re next.”

“TK—” Buck says, incredulous at the implication of what TK’s expecting him to do.

“What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Shit can get really weird. Our jobs can get royally fucked, or they can transfer one of us from the team.” The thought of any of those things happening makes Buck cringe, as if verbalizing all of the things that could backfire makes them the reality now.

TK grins at his words. “That can only be an issue if something happens between the two of you. Which tells me that deep down you know that he has feelings for you too.”

“Don’t start,” Buck warns with a threatening wave of his spoon. Before he has the chance to say anything, there’s a knock on the door, so Buck abandons his bowl of cereal at the table.

When Buck pulls open the door he’s surprised to see Eddie on the other side. “Hey, Eddie, everything okay?” It takes a few seconds longer for Buck to register that Eddie’s knocking when he’d usually just let himself in.

Eddie looks over his shoulder, and then back to Buck. “Uh, yeah, everything’s okay. I brought someone with me, though,” Eddie says after a moment. Carlos joins Eddie outside of Buck’s loft with an apprehensive look on his face. “This is—”

“Carlos. Did TK know you were coming?” Buck asks, taking in Carlos’ general appearance. If it’s possible, he looks worse than TK did when he arrived the other day, like he’s been struggling even worse.

“No, but, uh—”

“I know you’re upset,” Buck says, “but TK came here because he needed some space, and I think you need to respect that.”

“I—I get that. I understand, I do. I’m not going to just barge in… but could you ask him if he’ll at least talk to me? I’ll go if he doesn’t want to,” Carlos reasons.

Buck can relate to that feeling of being so out of control, but at the same time springing this on TK doesn’t feel at all right. “Carlos—” Buck starts, but he’s cut off abruptly.

“I think you should leave it up to TK,” Eddie says unhelpfully, and Buck can’t stop himself from laughing out loud.

“ _What_?” Buck asks in disbelief. “You couldn’t stop glaring at him over dinner at the station, and now you’re trying to advocate for his relationship?”

Eddie seems unfazed by Buck’s words, slipping inside just far enough that he can see TK. “Hey, man, um. Carlos is here to talk, if you think you’d be up for that?”

Buck’s jaw drops open a little from where he stands in the doorway. This makes no damn sense _at all_. He’d half expected that TK wasn’t going to survive doing dishes with Eddie, even though there hadn't been any explanation for the hostility. However, from Hen’s knowing smirk through their game of Mario Kart, she’d had an idea as to why Eddie was acting that way. And now...

“Hey,” TK says, a little surprised, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, he can come in—we were gonna talk when I got home, but this is fine.” TK seems unbothered, even smiling at Eddie. “Thanks, Eddie.”

What was Buck missing?

Eddie claps TK on the shoulder before he makes his way back to the entryway. “C’mon, Carlos.”

* * *

Buck really can’t help the fact that he’s about to shake out of his own skin. He’d talked to TK at length about Carlos, and knew that them at least talking about their problems—if not reconciling—was inevitable, but not until TK got back to Austin. In which case TK wouldn’t be here to ensure that Buck kept his end of their little agreement.

Now, with Carlos here in LA Buck feels like the clock has started early, and he’s going to have to prepare for a conversation with Eddie well before he’s ready.

Not that he’ll ever be ready to put himself out there where Eddie’s concerned; not when he has so much to lose.

“I should check and see if they need drinks or anything,” Buck says absently, trying to peek around to where Carlos and TK are sitting at the couch. It’s hard to tell what’s being said, but they look rigid with tension from where Buck is standing.

Eddie chuckles. “Buck, leave them alone and let them talk this out.” Turning his back to Buck, Eddie flips on the coffeemaker to brew them a pot while they wait for TK and Carlos.

“Since when do you care so much, anyway?” The challenge is clear in Buck’s voice as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“Oh, I care,” Eddie assures him.

“But—”

“Buck,” Eddie practically hisses out, his eyebrows raised a little. He turns his head in the direction of the seating area where the other two other men are. “Buck and I are heading out for a little bit, can we grab you guys anything?”

After a response that they’re both fine, Eddie motions toward the front door, signaling for Buck to lead the way.

“Eddie—”

“Come on, we’ll stop at that coffee shop you like. My treat.”

Buck sighs in defeat, following Eddie to the door. He takes one last resigned look at TK and Carlos, knowing that all of this is very out of his control now, and nothing that he does is going to change the fact that his life might very well go up in smoke today.

* * *

TK was planning to talk to Carlos about everything that happened before he left for LA… just not until he was home and had a little time to center himself. Not talking to Carlos over these last few days has been physically painful, leaving his heart aching in a way that he didn’t even know was possible.

Just when he thought he’d had things figured out, here Carlos was, keeping him on his toes.

“I’m sorry to spring this on you and just show up like this. But TK, I was going crazy—”

TK nods his head, drumming his fingers against his thigh. “We were going to talk when I got home. It was only gonna be a few more days.”

“I couldn’t stand the radio silence between us anymore. I-I know that we might not be able to fix this, but I just at least need you to know… to-to understand how much you mean to me, TK. I couldn’t wait any longer than absolutely necessary for you to know that.” Carlos seeks out TK’s eyes, dipping his head a little as they sit beside each other on the couch.

TK swallows thickly, fighting the desire to look away from Carlos and the intensity of his gaze, with all of the buried feelings that it seems to awaken in him. “You say that now.”

“I mean it. Every word.” Carlos looks miserable, like he’s so torn up over the fact that TK is even questioning his feelings.

“Okay,” TK says, barely above a whisper. “If that’s the case then why— _why_ wouldn’t you tell them I was your boyfriend? You just treated me like I was some guy you barely knew.” He practically spits out the end of the sentence, the feelings from the day at the Farmers’ Market rushing back into his chest, and he does everything that he can to not let them settle there again.

“I told you that I’m out to them, which is true,” Carlos says quietly. “But it wasn’t like you coming out to your parents, TK. My parents are more conservative. I—” Carlos scrubs his hand down over his face. “I was seventeen when I came out to them, and it was really hard for me, but I thought that after I told them they’d at least have to accept who I was.”

TK purses his lips together but doesn’t say anything, watching as tears brim in Carlos’ eyes.

“The day after I came out to them, my dad was busy talking about sports, and they just… they never talked about it again. So I’ve always avoided them seeing me with my boyfriends, um.” Carlos whistles out a breath, finally looking away from TK, struggling to hold his composure together. “Even my longest term boyfriend for a couple of years, they never met him. It’s always been a taboo topic.”

“ _Carlos_.”

Carlos looks down as tears rush down his cheeks. “They’re not bad people. It’s just how they were raised—”

Having no semblance of self control left, TK reaches out and swipes at Carlos’ tears. “I should’ve let you explain everything,” TK mutters. Seeing Carlos this sad and broken up about it, and now understanding how hard it must’ve been for him when he was just figuring out who he was—it makes his heart fracture down the middle a little bit more.

“When you left for LA, I called my parents and I told them that we needed to talk. I went over to their house and I told them about this guy who isn’t just my coworker, who’s stolen my heart completely. About how there isn’t a second that goes by that I’m not thinking about him, and how royally I screwed all of this up because I was afraid.”

“I’m sorry that I forced you into that situation.” TK rests his hand on top of Carlos’ and rubs his thumb over the back of his hand.

“You didn’t force me, I chose to do it because I couldn’t stand the thought of keeping us a secret, or—what we were, anyway, after the way that it hurt you. I just hope that with time you can forgive me for it and we can at least be friends.”

TK nods, wanting to bang his head against something for destroying what they had over some gross overreaction. If he’d just let Carlos talk to him that day—

“I’ve already forgiven you. My reaction was selfish. I didn’t even consider your reasons why, so I’m sorry for putting that pressure on you. But, uh, while we’re out here talking about truths, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

It was best to just rip off the bandaid and be completely honest with Carlos, no matter what his reaction is going to be.

“Well, that certainly doesn’t sound good,” Carlos comments warily, though his soft brown eyes hold TK’s gaze even if he’s afraid of whatever TK has to say.

“I was… upset when I came out here, and in a really bad place because of what had happened between us,” TK explains, lowering his eyes for a few seconds while he tries to organize his thoughts. Taking a deep breath, he squeezes Carlos’ hand. “I understand if you can’t forgive me, but I think it’s important for us to stay honest with each other right now. The first night that I was here, I kissed Buck.”

“Oh,” Carlos manages, but TK can see the way that he tenses under the words, pinching his lips together more tightly, an obvious sadness in his eyes. “Well, we are broken up, so… you can kiss whoever you’d like.”

“That’s the thing. I did it because I was upset and looking for comfort, not because I wanted to be with Buck.”

Carlos swallows thickly, looking down at where TK’s hand is still resting against his wrist. “So you don’t want to be with him, then?”

“What? _No_ ,” TK replies, shaking his head. “I’m not really into firefighters, anyway. Cops are more my type.” He smiles easily at those words, hoping that beneath the playfulness in his tone Carlos can see the truth; there’s nobody else that TK wants.

* * *

The walk toward Buck’s favorite coffee shop, Rise & Grind, is a short one. As he walks beside Eddie he can’t help but think about what is happening with TK and Carlos back at the loft. Buck pulls his phone out, checking to make sure TK hasn’t texted or called him.

“You gonna tell me what’s going on with you?” Eddie asks. He’s wearing almost the same expression that he was earlier when he practically shoved Buck out the front door.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Buck says dumbly. Which is an obvious lie, and by the expression on Eddie’s face Buck’s done a terrible job of convincing him.

Instead of saying anything, Eddie hums. He pulls open the door to the coffee shop and lets Buck enter in front of him.

The aroma of coffee and the sweetness of pastries overtakes Buck’s senses, and he breathes it in for a second, then follows Eddie toward where the line is. When they reach the front of the line, Buck opens his mouth to order but finds that he doesn’t need to say anything. Eddie orders a black coffee with two sugars, an iced Americano, two of the raspberry pastries that Buck loves, and a chocolate chip muffin.

Buck wants to suggest that they head out right away, but Eddie sits down in one of the booths in the far corner, sliding Buck’s Americano across the table, and waiting for Buck to sit down.

“So you’re not going to tell me why you kept trying to interrupt TK and Carlos when they were trying to talk about things?” Eddie asks once Buck has settled enough to take a few sips of his coffee.

“I don’t know.” Buck sighs after a minute. “I guess it just kind of feels like Carlos crossed a line by showing up. The entire reason that TK came to LA in the first place was to put some space between them while he figured things out.”

“But he’s had that,” Eddie says, taking his muffin out of the pastry bag and setting the bag in front of him.

Buck takes out one of the danishes, not saying anything, wondering if Eddie’s going to continue.

“He’s had days to think about things, and if TK didn’t want to talk to him, he would’ve said no today.”

“I don’t know.”

“TK and I had a conversation the other night, after dinner,” Eddie says cautiously. “About relationships, regret—and losing time with the person that you love.”

“That seems like an unusual conversation for the two of you to have.”

“I think we’re more alike than you think.” Eddie pauses and then adds, “That’s why I called Carlos.”

Buck thinks he’s going to choke on his drink when Eddie shares that bit of news, and the shocked look doesn’t fade away immediately. “What? Why would you do that, Eddie?”

“Some people just belong together.”

Buck’s brow furrows even more. “ _What_?”

“Let’s go about this another way,” Eddie suggests. He waits for Buck to shrug his shoulders helplessly before continuing. “ I know what you order every time we come to this specific coffee shop, that you hate thick crust pizza and you’ll only pick the toppings off if someone orders it. You're superstitious about the most ridiculous things, and you worry too much, but instead of talking about that worry you’ll spend an entire day going on a research spiral.”

By the time that Eddie’s stopped talking, Buck’s pretty sure a headache is starting, probably from the way that his face is still pinched as he tries to understand the direction the conversation is headed in. “I’m… not following this conversation. Wh-what does any of that have to do with TK and Carlos?”

“Nothing… and everything.” Eddie sighs. An expression crosses his face that Buck can’t decipher, and it looks like he’s struggling to come up with the words to explain. “After dinner the other night, TK asked me if he’d done something to upset me. If, uh, when we were in Texas if he’d somehow said something to offend me.” Before Buck has the chance to ask any questions, Eddie continues. “He _didn’t_ , but when he showed up at your place no longer attached, I don’t know. I-I hated the idea of you and TK.”

“What?” Buck repeats incredulously for what feels like the fifth time, letting out a loud laugh. He’s never looked at TK that way, even if maybe TK was a little confused when they were leaving Texas—and then for the second time, on Buck’s couch. “Why would that even matter? TK’s a good guy.”

“I know that,” Eddie replies, and his voice sounds stretched thin with tension. “It didn’t matter who it was, Buck, because I didn’t want _anyone_ to be with you, even a guy like TK. When he realized that was the problem, he told me I didn’t have to worry about it. I just don’t want them to lose unnecessary time like you and I have.”

Buck swallows thickly, and it’s like slow motion as Eddie’s hand rests on top of his. Eddie presses his lips into a tight line. “If I’ve read any of this wrong—”

“You, um, you haven’t,” Buck manages, staring down at where Eddie’s hand remains on his own. “You didn’t read anything wrong. I just thought that things would get complicated. With the station, and Chris, and—”

“Chris loves you, Buck,” Eddie says firmly, brushing his thumb in soothing strokes over the back of his hand. “He’d never be a reason to not do this, but another reason why we _should_.”

How was this even happening? Buck’s less surprised than he thought he’d be that Eddie reciprocates his feelings. He supposes that, in a way, they’ve been working towards whatever this is for a long time now. They’re with each other at the station and, more often than not, they occupy each other’s time when they’re not on a shift.

They seamlessly gravitate into one another’s space… and it just feels natural and right.

“What’re you thinking?” Eddie asks after a couple of minutes of silence, leaning forward a bit and setting his hand on the juncture between Buck’s neck and shoulder. Buck wonders if Eddie can feel his pulse pick up pace at the contact, thrumming beneath his fingertips.

Buck can’t help but laugh quietly. “That we’re _idiots_ , Eddie.”

A full-on grin crosses Eddie’s face, like maybe he’d been expecting Buck to tell him that this was all a terrible idea… and maybe it is. Buck had given TK an entire list of reasons why they shouldn’t try anything, but the part of Buck that seems to be floating just at the mere intimate contact has Buck wondering…

_What if?_

What if instead of this being the worst idea that they’d ever had, it was the best?

Eddie brings his hand back to the table and carefully turns Buck’s hand over in his. “If you decide you don’t want this—” Eddie begins.

“I do want this,” Buck cuts him off, and the force of the words surprises even him.

The corners of Eddie’s lips turn up into a smile. “So do I.” Eddie leans forward across the table, lifting up and out of his seat as he does so. Buck’s eyes flutter closed as Eddie’s hand cups his cheek, followed by a light press of their lips. It ends just as quickly as it began, the contact gone.

Instead of his gut twisting anxiously at the unfamiliar sensation, a comforting, almost content feeling takes residence in his chest; a warmth that spreads over him, blanketing him with calm.

“You can’t kiss a guy for the first time at his favorite coffee shop,” Buck says with mock distress. “What happens if we don’t work out and I can never set foot in here again because you’ve _tainted_ it? Where will I go for my Americano and danish?”

Eddie tilts his head to the side a little, a smile on his face. “We’ll just have to make sure that doesn’t happen.” Buck narrows his eyes. “But, since it’s been ‘ _tainted_ ’ already…”

“I’m not going to make out with you in the coffee shop where people know me by name,” Buck says, raising his eyebrow a little as he stands up.

“That’s… not what I was going to do.” Eddie laughs. “But if you need me to help you choose a backup coffee shop, I can do that.”

Buck gives him a disbelieving look, and then walks over to the counter. He orders an assortment of pastries to take back to the loft to share with TK and Carlos. Eddie meets him near the door with the rest of Buck’s Americano, holding the drink out to him.

“Can you carry the pastries?” Buck asks as he takes his iced coffee.

“One kiss and you’re already so needy,” Eddie teases as he takes the bag, holding the door open for Buck to walk out in front of him.

The late morning sun feels warmer, and Buck continues to walk in step beside Eddie in comfortable silence for a few minutes, until he turns his head to look at Eddie more fully. “Do you want to know the real reason that I kept interrupting Carlos and TK?”

“Did you lie to me, Evan Buckley?”

Buck takes a sip of his drink as Eddie catches his gaze. “Um, more of a… willful withholding of information?”

Eddie makes a sound beside him, but then bumps Buck’s shoulder with his own. “Well, get on with it.”

Tossing his empty cup into a trashcan as they pass by a moment later, his cheeks flush a little as he thinks about how to explain everything.

“TK and I sort of had this agreement, because at first he didn’t want to talk things out with Carlos at all.” Buck swears he can hear this throat click as he swallows, and he glances at Eddie out of the corner of his eye. “He, um, he figured out pretty quickly that I had feelings for you, and the agreement was that if he talked things out with Carlos then I’d tell you I had feelings for you.”

“Buck.” Eddie laughs and shakes his head as they walk up the stairs to the loft, catching his hand halfway up the stairs.

“I’m glad one of us decided to stop being afraid and said something,” Buck admits as they stand in front of the door to his loft. He stops Eddie, gently tugging on his hand until Eddie turns to face him. “Thank you for being brave enough.”

This time, it’s Buck who closes in the distance between them, grasping the back of Eddie’s neck to drag him closer. This time the kiss isn’t a barely-there press of lips, it’s more exploratory. He feels connected to Eddie everywhere they’re touching, Eddie’s hands at Buck’s lower back pulling him closer, Buck trying to memorize the way that Eddie’s lips feel against his.

They’re still kissing when the front door opens. Buck hears crinkling from behind him as Eddie shifts, his arms falling from around Buck’s waist.

“Well, hello, boys.” TK is grinning unabashedly at them.

Buck’s cheeks flush instantly. “Don’t,” he warns with a cursory wave of his finger as he brushes past TK and into the house. “Or you won’t get a single pastry.”

“In that case, my lips are sealed,” TK says, snatching the bag from Eddie’s hands and leading them to the table.

Even though it was TK who showed up on Buck’s doorstep in the midst of a relationship crisis and broken heart, it’s Buck who feels grateful to him for shedding new light on his relationship with Eddie.

Buck doesn’t miss the way that Carlos wraps an arm around TK’s lower back as he peeks into the pastry bag. It’s obvious that they were able to talk out their issues while he’d been gone with Eddie.

Buck realizes they’re _all_ lucky to have each other, because if not for each other’s influence they would’ve never found themselves in this place… and there’s nowhere else that Buck would rather be.


End file.
